I recently found myself on a run, listening to a podcast episode by Nicky Lowe, featuring Mary Ann Sieghart, author of The Authority Gap. Little did I know that this conversation would slow me down—both physically and mentally. I kept pausing my run to jot down "YES!!!" moments as Sieghart unpacked some of the deeply ingrained gender biases that shape our lives. While my personal best running time didn't benefit, my understanding of gender dynamics certainly did.
Two insights from the podcast struck me hard:
🔍 "We praise girls for being ornamental and boys for being instrumental."
🔍 "Boys bond through competition, girls bond through modesty and self-deprivation."
I could see it clearly—not just in my kids, but in my friendships, workplaces I’ve been part of, and even in myself. These patterns are not just social quirks; they are deeply embedded norms that subtly dictate how we all behave, from childhood through adulthood.
How Gendered Expectations Show Up
Let’s break it down:
Girls to Women: As kids, we hear:
"What a pretty dress!"
"Your curls are so cute."
As adults, it's:
"Love your handbag!"
"Your hair looks great."
Boyz2Men (yes, I went there): As kids, they hear:
"Wow, you built that tower so high!"
And as adults:
"Thank goodness you're here, we’d never get the DIY done without you."
The differences extend beyond compliments:
Boys:
Kids say, "I'm better at football than you!" (Yes, my nine-year-old in a nutshell.)
As adults, they might boast, "Check out my new car/golf handicap/Rolex."
Girls:
Kids say, "I'm terrible at maths" or "My legs are too short."
As adults, they might downplay achievements, saying, "Oh, the speaking gig? It was no big deal; someone else probably couldn't make it." Or express body insecurities, "Does my bum look big in this?"
What’s the Impact?
The more I dive into my coaching work—partnering with working mums and organisations—the more I see these patterns repeating themselves, often without anyone even noticing. These ingrained behaviours shape how we present ourselves, how we pursue opportunities, and even how we raise our children.
How Do We Challenge These Patterns?
It starts in our own backyards. If we’re going to challenge these biases, we need to become aware of how they manifest in our everyday lives and interactions. From the way we compliment children to the language we use to describe ourselves and others, these small shifts can collectively lead to bigger cultural changes.
So, do you have any examples of how these gendered expectations show up in your life? How can we challenge them together? Let’s keep this conversation going—whether it’s on the run, at home, or in the workplace.
Together, we can start to close the gap.
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